Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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