she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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