shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize