He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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