I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
