So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
