Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
