$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
