I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
