I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
