Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
