i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
