My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Enjoy the penises
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
