I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
