You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
