Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
