My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
