Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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