Just took my morning after pill in the library
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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