so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
