Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
