there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
