I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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