I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
