i'm signing you up for texting rehab
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
