and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
