So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
