my phone needs a breathalizer
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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