I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize