I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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