how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
