you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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