69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
