i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
