We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
