when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
