he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
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