so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
