I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
