Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
