I think my vagina is haunted
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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