when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
