she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
