well I can't set my house on fire every night
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
