Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
