I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
