my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
