i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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