Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
