My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
