i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
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