I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Come see our sink grown plant.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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