Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
