I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
