Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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