I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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