I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
