He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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