people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Even my vagina gasped.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
