I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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