Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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