So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Dicks are not precious.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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