You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
