Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
