my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
