you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
