there's paper in my vomit.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
