we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
