fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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