why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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