i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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