i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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