I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
