one might say we're banned from that church
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
