Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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