I wish I could punch you in the face.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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