someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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