the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
cat food counts as protein by the way
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
