he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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